How To Cure Hic-Cups
by Harriet
Summary: One of Sybil Ramkins/Vimes's dragons has the hic-cups. Not good considering their combustable nature. Short but hopefully sweet. FINISHED! Mistakes fixed...I think.


How To Cure Hic-Cups  
  
  
  
  
  
Lady Sybil Ramkin strode into her dragon pen, the earth quaking slightly as each foot pounds down. She starts her inspection. Wesley Montmonny the 3rd was fine. He reached up and as Sybil tickled him under the chin he casually caught her flowing blonde wig and pulled it onto the ground and into a corner, defensive as he began to nibble it.  
  
"Bad boy!" Lady Ramkin opened the gate and walked into the pen. Grabbing the slightly chewed wig she glared at "Monny" who quivered under her stare, as anyone, swamp dragon, human or otherwise, would. She was beginning to rearrange her wig when she hears it; a sound dreaded by dragon breeders the Disc over. The unmistakable sound of hic-cups. She dived to the floor and began to crawl out, awaiting the inevitable explosion. It didn't come. After 10 minutes Mrs Vimes/Ramkin looked up. Listening carefully she can still hear the odd "hic" but there is a serious lack of the "BOOM" that should accompany it. Curious she tentatively walked back into the building, ready to duck at any moment. Following the sound she ended up at the pen of Mistletoe Gordens Fredricks. Good pedigree that one and it really shows in "Fred". Fred himself was looking rather puzzled, at each hic he stares down his nose at the little flumes of smoke that arise. The hics are becoming more frequent and for once in her life, Lady Sybil Vimes nee Ramkin was at a loss at what to do. She can't evacuate the building, if the dragons saw each other they would explode in an attempt to defend their territory. And although with almost any other species burping would be the answer, given the combustible nature of the swamp dragon it didn't seem there best idea. Sybil realises she must call on another expert. And in her opinion there is only one expert and he is can expert on everything. She sends a runner for Sir Samuel Vimes.  
  
On hearing his wife needed to see him Vimes was worried. He knows she wouldn't pull him away from work unless it was urgent. Leaving Carrot in charge he called for Cheery Littlebottom and Igor in case she was ill. Then he set off at a run. Reaching the house he was informed that Lady Sybil was with her dragons. Thoroughly puzzled Vimes and company rush round there to be surrounded by the inevitable Emmas. When the situation has been explained he begins to take charge, starting by moving a safe(er) distance away.  
  
"Littlebottom, know any hic-cup cures?"  
  
Cheery thought for a minute. "Well, I don't know any solutions I can make but, well, my granddad always swore by standing on your head, holding your breath and counting to a hundred." She had the grace to blush.  
  
"Hmmm, somehow I doubt that will be very useful." Vimes's gruff tone made the interchangeable Emmas explode into giggles.  
  
"Igor?" Igor just shook his battered head. H did appear to be thinking however.  
  
"Well, is there any reason we can't move the dragon out of there at least? We can make sure none of the others see him."  
  
After agreeing Sybil went to get him, Vimes going with her for moral support. Carefully they made their way to the third pen. Inside Fred was sitting on his haunches batting the smoke that came with every hic-cup. Lady Ramkin was almost content to leave him, he looked so sweet. Then sense took over, she walked in and slipped a collar and lead on and led him outside. After tying him to a stake in the middle of the lawn (used when she was training) the humans retreated.  
  
Lady Sybil was getting flustered. It appeared Fred was one of her favourites, he had a long and Nobel pedigree and in her opinion was just plain sweet. He was also a descendent of Findoly mellybone, her very first dragon. The group sat around and thought.  
  
"Water" announced Igor suddenly.  
  
"What?" asked Sybil. "Dragons drink firelighter."  
  
"Water," Igor insisted. Seeing their blank looks he explained, lisping on every other S. "My old mathter used to thwear on drinking a glath of water backwards."  
  
Vimes closed his eyes resignedly. "Igor, they don't drink form glasses…"  
  
"I know mithter Vimes, we pour it down his nostrils. It always ends up coming out there anyway."  
  
"Could it work?" Vimes asked, turning to his wife.  
  
"Well, it's possible, I suppose. And we really don't have anymore options. It's not going to be easy to do though."  
  
Vimes grimaced. "I'll do it, me and Igor. His fool idea after all and he is one of my men."  
  
Sybil nodded and sent an Emma off for a watering can full of water. Once back Vimes and Igor crept towards Fred, well, Vimes crept, Igor more lurched.  
  
"Hic."  
  
Watching Vimes saw the moving bomb's nostrils expand as he hiccuped. That was when they would have to do it. He quickly explained his plan to Igor who stood there ready, the watering can about half an inch above the dragon's nose, ready to tip.  
  
"Hic."  
  
"Now!" Yelled Vimes.  
  
Igor poured, the water went down Fred's nose. Fred started coughing and spluttering. Vimes turned to Igor, fear written on his face.  
  
"RUN!"  
  
They ran. Pulling the women with them Vimes and Igor ducked behind the ornamental fishpond and awaited the explosion. More coughing could be heard, along with the odd sneeze. Then it stopped and was silent. No explosion. Sybil looked at Vimes delighted and gave him a big kiss, much to his embarrassment. Slowly they crept out from behind the pond and stared at the green time-bomb. Silence ruled for a minute. Then the sound they'd dreaded came.  
  
"Hic."  
  
  
  
Please R&R!  
  
This is also posted at a Discworld community: Discworld Mountain. Here's the address. http://communities.msn.com/DiscworldMountain/Welcome.msnw  
  
It's well worth checking out and there is another story there by someone else that is WAY better than this one.  
  
Bye! 


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